I went out tonight with mis familia, and some family friends. Kitty is going to help me raise $$$ for the Australia trip, she's such a sweetheart.

And I figured out what's been bothering me. It's the whole Adam dealie. I only saw him about 4 times, but I was always really happy when I was around him, he actually looked into my eyes when he talked, and he's one of the few guys I've known that actually seemed to really care about me. And he was berry cuddly. And even though it was a few times, I miss it;

sitting in the back seat after a concert with a shoulder to lean my head on and an arm around my waist.

Even the last time I saw him, when we got ditched and were walking back to the house, we talked, he actually listened, and then he'd talk, and I'd listen, and even though he was about 3 years older than me, it just felt right. It's the sincerity I miss. And I'm still regreting not doing something about it.

And I'm still letting fear control me, I'm still trying to gather up the nerve to call him, I have no idea if he's even still at the numbers I have for him; he may have gone off to college already. And I have no phone skills.

And what would I say?

What am I looking for?

Older Stuff:
i'm a chargin mah laz0rz. - September 30, 2008
the summertime blues - June 21, 2008
my life so far - March 22, 2008
empty pockets - February 19, 2008
speech pattern changes - March 12, 2007

don't be afraid of the future. it doesn't include you, it only removes you.

It is the duty of every patriot to protect his country from his government."
- Thomas Payne