This is the part when I feel avoided again.

Not by the net people, the net people are helpful, and worry when it is prudent.

The RL people. gah.

When I need to talk, honestly, no one is ever there. Other people have lives. I understand. But... best friend... not home. Sure, I'll see her tomorrow, but who wants to put a downer on someone else's day? Figured I'd tell her before the actual event, but I guess it's not an option.

So, I try to call Mark. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell him or not, but after talking to Faerie a bit, I figured, maybe he should know. If I was a guy, I'd probably want to know if my girlfriend was going to become radioactive. He's not there either. Seriously, when I need to talk, tell specific people specific things, no one's there, and it's like 10th grade all over again, being avoided, annoying, while people are trying to send me hints that I'm just not getting.

I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been sleeping much since I found out, or if it's real, but it's almost like I can feel the tumor growing.

We've dyed my hair again. Chocolate Cherry again. The roots are gone.

And the dye ran down my body like blood flowing from my skull, as if I was bludgeoned from behind in a dark alley and left for dead.

Sure, I'm pulling an act for everyone, making superhero jokes, making pretend threats for the stupid receptionist who called me and told me.

But you understand, right? I'm scared out of my wits. This is like a pattern. Everything goes right, and then something goes horribly wrong. The summer before the last year before I leave someplace I hate, I have to deal with something bad.

So I go and put up my brave little face. Again.

I really wish I didn't have to pretend so much.

Older Stuff:
i'm a chargin mah laz0rz. - September 30, 2008
the summertime blues - June 21, 2008
my life so far - March 22, 2008
empty pockets - February 19, 2008
speech pattern changes - March 12, 2007

don't be afraid of the future. it doesn't include you, it only removes you.

It is the duty of every patriot to protect his country from his government."
- Thomas Payne