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All writings on these pages are © Kristina Lee |
Chia's feelin yeah, voice from beyond the grave... wasn't my obsession first, it was hers, and then I forgot, he reminded me again. the other, harmonies, haunting, perfect to accompany the angst saunterings down crowded halls, past the glance and smile of a blonde, blue eyed stranger. words have both come easily and left me quickly lately, fragments of songs to be claw into my brain and scramble away before they can be captured with a blue pen and stashed in my pocket awaiting the day I learn to play guitar. Waiting for and dreading this week to end, good things, bad things, nothing I can do to stop the passage of time. No use, just sitting there, staring through the windows, aloof, detatched, it's only when you're involved that they care. When you're no longer a part of the whole, the collective, you realize at once, you are expendable, all of us can be replaced, no one alone is unique, because there's always someone out there who's better at being you than you are. But then, I'm not me, I'm just some shadow of a person who died a long time ago, surrounded by many of the people that stood by and watched as I died. And I could always talk to you before, but now you just assume you know what I'm thinking, and inturrupt, you dismiss everything I say, because I'm young, I admit it, but it doesn't make me any less valid. I crave so much, I desire so much, I want so much to be a perfected version of myself, and when I was younger, I though I'd be her by now, but I'm not, and I'm starting to believe that the person I thought I was going to be never existed. I doubt myself. I doubt my motives, I scoff, but deep down, I'm just the same as all of them, and I don't want to be, but at the same time I do, because they're allowed to be themselves, to cut loose, to simply exist as they are, but me, I hold myself back, and when I do, it hurts, I'm not happy then. It's why I prefer the company of people I don't see everyday, because they don't try to pretend they know everything about me.
Older Stuff:
don't be afraid of the future. it doesn't include you, it only removes you.
It is the duty of every patriot to protect his country from his government."
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